I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize