Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number