2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.