just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize