So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
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im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that