For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman