I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
