Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize