I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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