Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
