kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.