I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you never un-have a 4some
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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