Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
