I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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