No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
