Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize