two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
