i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
