i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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