Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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