Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
