his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
