im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
