i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
