Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
