Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
