When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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