Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm so fucking centered right now
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
