If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize