For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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