I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
