and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
