I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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