does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
high people should be assigned attendants
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
