I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
