I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
