Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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