apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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