he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
