I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
