Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
