Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
