Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
