Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
