you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
