is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
