i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
