How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
