SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
