Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
