found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
