you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
