ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize