i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
