you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
