Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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