Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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