I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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