He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
