well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
