What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
